It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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