if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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