I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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