apparently the secret to your success is patron
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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