Who did Billy Mays play for?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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