..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I looked at my own cervix.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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