Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
