just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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