when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
