sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
