I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
