I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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