Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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