forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm too high and old for this...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
