im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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