So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
