Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
