dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
