I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
