I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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