U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I deserve this hangover.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
