Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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