Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Someone signed my nipple.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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