I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Holy sore nipples Batman
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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