Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
