Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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