what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
