I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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