school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
