He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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