my phone needs a breathalizer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
