i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's official drugs can't kill me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
