Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
