And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my poor anus
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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