i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
