I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
