Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
