Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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