Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
