Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
