Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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