My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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