Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
