You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
