Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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