don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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