I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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