A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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