the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
