All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
