Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
