your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
