She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
