dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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