i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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