So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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