Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
