God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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