I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
