just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
