alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
