the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
