I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
