I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
