whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize